Ill

Hello, My name is S.
I've been clean for 2 months.
But it's been a difficult 2 months,
I'm not sure that I can do this.
This addiction's got me by the nuts.
No matter how hard I try to walk away,
I'm drawn back, sucked in, and I can't escape.

And it's not just any drug,
I'm picky with my affliction.
I like the pain to be just like so,
Always pushing to get more of it.
My flesh is so weak,
No matter how hard I try,
I'm dragged in, grabbed in and I can't escape

This condition that I've got,
This constant craving,
It's like an itch I've got to scratch
Like a mosquito bite
Knowing full well It'll only be pain in the end.

The doctor's can't cure it,
The new age therapists with their psycho-babble,
Want me to embrace it,
I feel ill to the heart when I think of the effect
The weakness, the lack of control,
In fact I want to lose control,
When I'm under the influence I want to fall,
I want to be high

And this drug,
This new stash,
This delectable sweet mad rush it's promising
With he's sweet calls,
He's Soft caresses,
Oh help, sanity run to my aid
But too late,
I close my eyes and succumb to this tempting forbidden fruit.

Come walk with me...

This is a picture that my freind took whilst visiting in Bedford.

When I opened my mind,

When I opened my mind,
Did you wait with bated breath
Did you wish to hear some clue of where I hail,

When I opened my mind,
Did you hear the difference
My rythm is unique
A different drum

And this door that opened,
Did you accept it as it was
Or try to change it to fit your mould,
And shut it when it would not fit

And when this door was opened
Did you walk into it
The threshold is only the beginning
Are you afraid that I do not fit

When I opened this door,
Did I invite you in,
When I opened this door,
I did not mean to find judgement

Now that this universe is disclosed
Is it moonlit midnight
Or Sunny High noon shining yellow gold

If it must be one or the other
Let it be a universe of reds and blues
Unchartered worlds,with rising suns and setting moons

ISSUES, who's not got them?

It was funny, literally in the Ha ha sense. It's become a weekly thing with my freind in the states. Every Sunday I'll pick up the phone and give her a holler, or she'll be online and the girlfreind session begins. The important thing is the last conversation we had. It so occured that the particular gentleman in her life became a has been. After stringing her along, he came to the conclusion that they were undergoing the same problems as a result of he's "issues". And that it would be unfair of him to put her through all this pain, while he was still working through he's issues. Eh? Unfortunately that sounded too familiar. It was like a vile flash back come to haunt me, except the character roles were being played by other people! But I could have sworn...Why was it, so I cast my mind into the recesses it avoids like a local driver on a lumpy road in Nairobi. It appears that there is a book somewhere, under the chapter title " It's not you it's me, I care for you too much to hurt you" that has been read and dutifully studied by a couple of chaps! And that's the diatribe they dish out when all in all the basic truth...Look I'm not that into you, but I want to make sure that you're still hanging about with enough pity to ensure pity sex!!!

Well then! Here's my response:
The truth is simple in it's ugliness, brutall in it's clarity and yet painfully healing. The longer a chap strings along a girl, the odds are that one day he;ll knock on that door and it will be her delightful pleasure to open it only so that she can slam it in he's face with decadent glee! Any body parts that get caught in the kerfuffle are a bonus!

Everyone has issues, life is one big issue, and when one has sorted their issues, made their money, got their degree, got their grand job, written the great American novel, run the great race, come to grips with their own genious...But the truth of the matter is after all that..THEN WHAT? pick up the peices of life that were put on pause whilst pursuing the great issue. Andwhile life is on pause, everybody elses life has moved on. Freinds have gotten married, the pet gerbil up and died, best freinds have had two kids and are settled into a disgusting contenment with life. But funny, not so ha ha, how all these people have had issues and life has gone on and they've held on. So what makes their issues less important and grand? What makes it ok to put someone on a leash and leave them hanging and waiting? Don't even say, they should be smarter and know better... because when it comes to issues of the heart, it's not alright to wantonly hurt someone, it's not OK to be a coward, it wasn't called Brave Heart, the word encourage has it's origin in the french word meaning to have heart! So deal with it! Step up and quite being a TWAT! After all, tempting Karma is like courting disaster, it may take years, it may take a night, but it will bite back. And then what?

Shhhhhh......

Mhm....
A little naughty, a lot nice, I like a lot
Dark in the club,
Hunting gear set and ready to go,
My butt grab black pants,
My scooping neck top
My high heel boots that glint when I slide down to whine,
A winking buckle, hints at what lies beneath
The twins, sparkling and glinting under the teasing lights,
Dusted and scented,
Two ripe apples that would fit just right

The Dj,
Appreciating that I came to dance,
He didn't have to coax me,
I wasn't hiding on a full dance floor
Every song made my body move
No thoughts involved,
If the beat demanded it,
My body gave it,
Every move was tighlty wound around the music,
An intricated dance, like snakes mating,
Poisonous, passionate,
Eyes were drawn to me,
Every move,
the shake of my hips
The little lick of my lips,
the trickle of sweat,
the single swollen bead that leaves a glistening path,
Right down this alluring path of temptation, from brow to breast


Tonight I would tempt,
No hopes, no fear,
My passion would be abated,
I hunt this night
for earthly pleasures
No regret,
No ropes to bind,
This night I am every passion unveiled
Every want unleashed on the unsuspecting,
A lone hunter.

Drawing out the prey,
I dance to the music, my lure of choice,
I roll my hips,
I dip
I thrust
I sway
I whine
and with each move, I am surrounded,
Choice is easily made,
My appetite will dictate.
Tall, strong, confident.

My eye rests on a perfect specimen, He's glance from the bar is appreciative,
Watching from lowered gaze,
head flipped back to reveal a soft throat,
Showing vulnerability, yet awaiting he's fatal step that would spring the trap, as he moved slowly into position,
Yes, he's assured of he's success, he approaches,
A small but firm bump of my hips,
he moves closer,
I looked shocked raise my lashes as if suprised that he's standing there
I rotate my waist,
He's Eyes watch every movement,
He's beer forgotten as he's hands reach out,
He's dazed