The wonderful bladder continued

Well, if your body does not respond to the polite stimuli provided by your bladder, then the bladder takes matters into it's own hand and the fear of embarrasment is nigh!
Vigilante bladders have been known to cause their owners all kinds of discomfort. The best form is that of the 'Toilet/Piipii/Potty/WiiWii/Gottago- dance' ( abbreviated as TPPWG for the sake of my typing fingers). I don't think there is a single human, save the guards outside Buckingham palace, who does not have their own form of the dance. It is assumed that no two dances are the same, some victims go for the cross over, this is when one foot is tightly crossed at the crotch, over the other foot, the participant then performs a repetitive jerky squat like motion to the sweet musical stimulus of the TPPWG-dance.

Others prefer to bounce on their heels,whilst in the cross over position, gently, trying to minimize any rapid movemoent to their bladder that may cause an uncontrolable onslaught of relief. In the cross over, victims may other tightly shut their eyes in order to visualize at tightened sphincter muscle (personally I think it's to avoid screaming out in pain!!!) Or their eyes are wide open with a wild glint in them, the latter I'm sure are promising themselves to surrender their bladder at the pearly gates ASAP upon their arrival there. (I don't think the
TPPWG has ever been, in any ancient texts, attributed to heavenly devotion of a deity)

We move to the pacer, this victim of the TPPWG will walk up and down in a tightly controlled line, the effect of increased stimuli is seen in the increasing speed with which they make each lap, of course due to the unrelenting torture of the TPPWG, they soon break out into a a gentle trot, as a full dash is only acceptable if a receptacle for the relief is found, some men after frequenting pints at a bar are now masters at using their 'point-and-shoot to write their names in the snow/dirt, therefore the term receptacle is open to transalation!

Enter the tap dancer, this victim normaly calm and unfidgety breaks into a riendition of someting performed by Sammy Davis Junior or Gregory Heinz! Their feet furiously keeping the rhythm to their bladders tune... a tempo that only grows faster with the intensity of the desire for relief. You may pick out these victims by their highly muscled calves (some have been called football/soccer players, but these studies are incomplete).

Let's not forget the knee-knockers! These happless victims of the TPPWG are the 'hunchback of Notredame' as far as the dance go. They are ungainly and ungraceful and their height relative to the floor is decreased when the pain is exquisite and least bearable. But you gotta love them for all in all, they're just trying to save themselves the embarassment, even though in doing so all coolness is thrown out the window. But the bladder is an equalizer of coolness, for all dance style victims when the worst bouts of torture occur, will forego all decorum and provide physical assistance to their failing anti-bladder muscles.

The bladder is also a clever strategist, upon being unable to withstand the TPPWG any longer some victims are broken to the point that they are willing to walk into the most unsanitized porcelain relief aids known in the world! Of course we have different classsification of bladders, namely:
1) Nike Class: just do it
2) Paris Hilton: Only the hilton
3) Country Western: shoot first ask questions later (prefferred in some cultures where Calvin-errant men run around pii-ing in full view of unsuspecting witnesses...Now I must say that I find this sub-classification of the 'country-western' most brazen and a vermin to polite society! )
4) Commando bladders

The Nike Class will get on with the task at hand by performing zen like controll on their minds to compare the benefits of the relief and to ignore the onslought to their other sensory organs from the unsanitized procelain (if they're lucky) receptacles in dodgey location (in some coutnries grass roots biological war lords used said receptacles as munition bankers!! Weapons were used to relieve victims of their hard earned cash!)

The Paris Hilton bladder is cruel, on having been informed of the nature of the porcelain relief aid by their olfactory and optical senses, this bladder immediately retreats all known stimuli, sending up trumptet blasts of relief to the victims nether regions. Of course the victim thankfully and hastily retreats from the offending un-hilton porcelain relief aid. However upon receiving stimuli from the brain that the hilton or such like relief aid is in view this bladder is ruthless, one will find dignified women (read Mama's) who will never walk faster than waltz cruising at speeds of an ABBA tamborine to the acceptable relief aid, all thoughts of maintaining their dignity forgotten.

The cowboys of the bladder classification are definitely the Country Westerns, these bladders do not care for social norms on relieving one self. They find any location (most prefer greenery as they think they are perfoming some environmental duty of turning vegetation gold, why wait for fall in an eqautorial climate??), their victims swager to said location and relieve themselves... aaaaaah! A word must be said for the traveller who having been caught between the land of no return seeks shelter behind a bush to politely handle the cause of the speeding ticket!

All bladders not being created equal, only makes us more diverse as human beings. We have heard earlier of the commando bladders (remember the buckingham palace guards), that have undergone rigorous training from their owners (note: in most cases it is the bladders that own their victims...), stand to attention, and only reply when they are commanded too. Bow down to men in uniform who have to perform the dangerous duty of handling bladders and other unruly inhabitants of earth! (ALRIGHT! I'm partial to men in uniform I had to find a way to fit them in somehow!!)

So feel free to participate in the bladder study by informing all and sundry whether you wear
1) tighty whities







boxers








mothers' union









and g-strings/ thongs