Controllable variables.

For those people who are control freaks then this should be easy to relate to. Controlling the variables, ensuring that nothing is left upto circumstance, all decisions are controlled by oneself.
But more importantly controlling the variables ensures peace of mind. You don't spend the whole night wondering what the result is going to be...am I staying? Am I out the door? Are all bets off? Am I being voted off this desolate island called, our relationship?
And that's the story morning glory. Not controlling the variables means that you are no longer calling the shots. It basically means that you've paid the piper and he's the one that get's to pick the tune. A juke box that doesn't take requests.
For future reference, am not going to be in this situation again. For f*&^sake I can barely concentrate! I 'm not saying that I'm the most focused person, but my usual cricket's attentions span has been reduced to that of a flea, any lower and I'll end up sitting in a corner staring into space.

I really know how to pick 'em! Well the end is nigh, I just wish it would hurry up about it, the waiting is killing me. I need to close this chapter, if that's the case, and start my mourning. I mean, sheesh! I can't even turn the waterjets on because I have a case of the "what-if's"
1) What if he doesn't want it end? Maybe he didn't mean what he said?
2) What if he just needs time to think about it?
3) What if we were really meant to be, and this is just a test?

I'm sssssooooooooo lame!