Tuesday, May 23, 2006

As I live and learn

He was tall so tall I tipped my head back
He was so strong, so strong he swung me with ease
He smiled so sweet, I wanted to see him do it more often.

But I'm scarred and I'm scared
I'm perturbed and I'm petrified
What happens now

He was so charming, the words were so sweet,
He new the words to my favorite songs, and sung them as we danced.
We started with the first fast songs, panting and sweating at the end,
We then moved to the slow songs, he's leads calculating, as he twirled me on the dance floor

I'm scared and scarred
Perturbed a little disturbed
What happens now

He spoke to me,
Made excuses to stand next to me,
Made excuses to hold my hand,
He spoke quietly and I had to lean in to hear him over the loud music

I like.
I like him a lot.
The way he moves on the dance floor is suave
He's lead is masterful, I am awed
The chocolate fred astaire and ginger roberts

He is slowly robbing me of my will to say no.
To steer clear and want to view him from afar
To peer from behind this wall that I have put up
He is drawing me out, a snake charmer and he's flute.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

A sigh escapes my lips as I watch you sleep/
Your arms around me possesively/
You will let me move, but not away/
Your scent permeates me to the core/
I breathe you in/
Our limbs are intertwined/
Our restless souls now repose/
A sigh escapes my lips, as I cannot, I refuse to escape/
I am in love.

That's what I miss, that feeling of utter content as if touching a dream. I miss the initimacy of making love, the joy of laughter and whispers. I miss that clean scent of a man freshly showered.I miss the slight irritation that drove me mad.I miss the touching. I miss the t-shirts. I miss a man.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Thank you!

I slip in to bed to fall asleep,
before I do,
I beg the Lord, these treasures to keep
One for sweetness
One for courage
One for Kindness
One for Love,
and above all,
all of you,
Who give me sweetness,
And give me courage
Who show me kindness
and put up with my ranting and raving.

Remember folks.... don't drink and dial!
Love you Bunches!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Salsa, sabrosa y caliente? Not this time!

this is an audio post - click to play

Call me!

I look at the phone.
I check the dial tone, working.
So why hasn't he called me?

I'm going nuts, just waiting.
I turn on the telly to disguise the passing of time.
Two adverts, pizza and broadband.
He still hasn't called.

Dinner was great.
I thought we connected.
He was funny, I was charming.
So why hasn't he called.

I'm going to climb up the walls.
My hair's begging to be pulled out
I can't take it anymore.

in the event that said young gentleman does not call I shall refrain from deep seated need to redesign said young man's car with car keys. in the event said young man does not call I shall refrain from calling said man's phone and hanging up when he picks up, of course under the guise of checking he's phone was working! if said young man does not call I shall not refrain from practising retail therapy until I feel better, that being said, I hope said young man does not call!!!! :D

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Bonne Appetite

I paid for my coffee,said goodbye to the kindly Maitre D', who swore that young men of today didn't know a good thing when they saw one. I laughed politely, and withdrew myself from he's presence before he expanded on the problem with young men today. I think I could fill a couple of chapters with my own love life as proof! As I sauntered down the street, the ourtdoor patio seating at resataurants begun to fill. Lovers all cuddling around a gloworm candle, holding hands and smiling into each other eyes. As the lover's toasted each other I could hear the tinkling of champainge flutes and wine glasses.

The wine that night had been lovely, up until the point I bumped into Winnie, before I could get another word in edgewise, the Master of ceremonies invited us to dinner. I didn't want anything else to do with Winnie, I smiled at Fabian gave, Winnie a cursory nod and made my way to the dinning room alone.

The dining room was decorated in black white and silver. The table tops were black and white with beautiful ice sculptures for centre peices. I settled myself for a boring evening of presentations punctuated with a three course dinner. A warm hand brushed gently against the nape of my neck, I looked up, and he was there standing over me. We heard a rather loud cough, Fabian and I turned to see Winnie standing to he's left. She looked at her chair and then at him, he got the hint and pulled out the chair for her. Fabian was sandwiched between Winnie and I, this was becoming ridiculous, someone was trying to punish me for something. I wondered who the other tortured soul to the left of Winnie was, that's when I noticed Rishi, what was he doing here? In fact, what was he doing here sitting so close to Winnie. A second glance at he's face and I could see the discomfort written all over it. He looked like a smacked bottom! I nearly burst out laughing.

Earlier that day I thought Rishi was acting unusual, as in extraordinarily unusual. I was accumstomed to him telling me everything that happened in he's life, and if I let him he'd probably dish the dirt on he's boyfreind! I have an open mind, but somethings I'd like to live to the imagination, if not at all. When I was dashing out of the office over my lunch hour to pick out an outfit for that evening, I could have sworn I saw Rishi duck for cover under he's desk. I just assumed he thought I was still mad at him for changing he's mind about coming to the dinner with me that evening. Now I felt really guilty. Rishi and I shared the same mutual freinds and they knew that he was gay, unfortunately for Rishi, he's mother had pegged her hopes on him marrying Winnie. Rishi's Dad blames the invasion of western culture for all the things he can't explain in youth today, homosexuality being one of them. Rishi's Mom wouldn't get the concept if you sat down with her and drew her a map. So when I saw Rishi with Winnie, I knew what it must mean to be with her, she'd threatened to out him with he's parents thus guaranteeing he's corporation for the evening. He'd fly her to Cairo and back in a jet plane if she so much as sniffed, I've asked him to just drop her off there and spare the rest of us. Rishi eyes meet mine and we both shrug. I mouth condolonces:
'Three more hours, you can do it!'
He rolls he's eyes in response, takes he's butter knife and draws it accros he's neck. That last action sets Winnie's screeching off. I look at Fabian, our eyes meet, he smiles, he saw Rishi's attempt for freedom, maybe three hours isn't that bad after all.
this is an audio post - click to play

Saturday, May 06, 2006


'Hey girlfreind! Haven't seen you in months. Kwani you don't call your buddies anymore? What's up with that?'
I was shocked, as I was watching he's lips part and expecting to hear the words that would make my heart skip all the way out of my rib cage, I had overlooked her, Winnie. Standing next to him , forcing her hand through the crook of he's arm. She looked like the cat that had just eaten the canary and washed it down with a bowl of cream. The expression on my face must have been comical, because he started clearing he's throat in between chuckles, beautiful deep husky chuckles. I hadn't been expecting to hear that screechy voice with a fake American accent highly sprinkled with Mother tongue influence
'Well? OOh you'd like to me MY freind, um...'
Aha... my attention is rudely brought back to Winnie. Hope flutters in my breast it means that she just met him...hope dies, it means she just met him. Not good, Not good! The last time Winnie and I clapped eyes on the same guy, it was not pretty.
'Hello Winnie'
I turn to Mr. Man and smile like I gave Victoria her secret,
'Hello Winnie's friend.'
He grins.Call the Paramedics, get the fire department on the phone, somebody get a priest! I think I'm dying! He's eyes actually seem to twinkle, and he has a dimple, no, he has two dimples. AMEN! God definitely made this Man!
If my eyes aren't definite orbs by now, I don't know how I'm managing to look calm. Shaking Winnie's hand gently away, he stretches he's hand to greet me.
'The name's Fabian. Nice to meet you, Winnie's friend'
I'm confused, I see he's lips move but the voice sounds like it's reverberating from deep within he's body, I'm tempted to look down. He's hand shake is firm and warm. I want to keep holding it for a long time.
'My Name's...'
'Winnie's short for Winnifred !'She screeches on happily, managing to appear oblivious to the fact that I was actually talking.
How does she do that? Ok! Alright! Meet Winnie already! Winnie the bane of my existence. When I see Winnie , I see a spiteful urban princess in a peter pan collared aqua green smock. Winnie's sole purpose in primary school was to make my life a living hell! Winnie who could melt butter in her mouth. Winnie who was born with a silver spoon shoved up her rear and out her mouth. Winnie who's blue blood by birth, was destined to have all the eligible bachelors from families with names that go back to pre-colonial days trip over themselves at her door. Winnie who's cook made chicken chow-men for dinner, and who summered in the United Kingdom! Winnie who looked yellow like the sun and decided that I must have been kissed by it, the wrong way. The Tar Baby she loved to pick on.
And here she is again, larger than life, the Gods must conspire against me.

My coffee is now cold, cold and vile. The Maitre D', reading the look on my face brings me another cup of hot coffee, smiles consolingly, and reassures me,
' Ma Chere, I'm sure he comes.'
He wipes away imaginery coffee drops from the table, and takes away the old cup. The streets begin to clear, and the first twinkling stars appear in the dusky sky.

Friday, May 05, 2006

this is an audio post - click to play

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Black no sugar

The coffee was strong and dark. The scent was revitalising, my brain took a temporary rest from all the what-if's it was putting through their paces. Then I had that first sip, the coffee was bitter and sweet at the same time, carressing the tongue yet giving me a good shake with the bitter tang.Then I remembered, I remembered the first time I saw him. I recognized him. It sounds strange, but it's true. He was familiar to me. I was aware of him, I could find him in the party crowd without looking for him, turn my head and he was there.

We just looked at each other, there was none of the discomfort that comes from being caught looking. I liked the way he looked, and the way he looked at me, right in the eye. He didn't ogle, didn't leave me feeling like I should run behind the flower pot because I'd just been undressed, visually. He didn't have "the oops I wasn't looking for you , but now that I've seen you, I think I'll check it out" look. He saw me, didn't smile, he
wasn't threatening, but he wasn't inviting either. My interest was peeked, who was this man? He stood around with the other guys, but he stood out. He commanded the space around him like he'd created the very air he breathed for himself, such presence! He wasn't full of himself, he was sure, definite, he'd tell you the answer to that question is finite.

I had to meet him. I broke the bigest chick rule, I approached him. He watched me walking towards him, expressionless. I thought to myself how odd,he doesn't give much away, mhmm...maybe he plays poker. My attention is momentarily diverted by some female asking for the lou, I point in some random direction (whoever you are, I'm soooo sorry if you never found the lou!). And then I was there. I was infront of him. He looked down at me, for the first time I realised just how tall he was. My heels high as they were only brought me up to mid chest.

He said....

Model is Alexander Williams. Picture Courtesy of http://www.jurgita.com/models-id21023.html
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