Monday, February 28, 2005

One more thing

Yesterday after a session with the man that is leading me astray, we lay in bed talking. It was the wierdest conversation ever to have with someone that I'm not in a relationship with. Well of course it made perfect sense to the guy to have the conversation with me...MEN!
Anyway he asked me what day I wanted to get married, I said Monday, that way not all my relative would make it, which is a good thing. He said something about getting married soon. EH???/ Alarm bells and siren went off in my head and I was very panicky. I told him nothing is guaranteed in life, and I can't afford to make mistakes, marriage is one mistake that I can't make.
Just odd. What's he asking me for? How's that going to change the price of milk?

If looks could Kill

OK. I must have woken up with a sign above my head that said "why don't you piss me off!" Feeling rather pleased with myself I met the French Cat! That horrible nasty child. Can you believe what she said to me? Well it was Nat, Anne and I and the cat, and Nat and Anne said what a lovely choker I had, and that insulting feline said "All you need now is a leash" That little ....I can't believe she said that I was so shocked that I asked her to repeat herself and she did!
I thought if all I needed was a leash it was stupid of her to antagonize me to begin with.
It's not my fault that she can't land the puny little boy. Silly child, it's probably because she has this annoying voice and annoying way of talking with that irritating smug look on her face. If it wasn't for the fact that the rest of us realize what a child sheis, she wouldn't be smiling at all.
Classes were fine, discussion about Force Majeure was terribly annoying, english law is confounding and mind boggling. My tempter came to the resource room and had a small chat with me, he must have been lying about something because he looked uncomfortable? Like I care? But if it makes him uncomfortable so be it.
After classes I did my hour at the gym, had fruits and nearly gagged on the Italian lasagne, seriously if that how it's really made in Italy (we only have her word to go by...) Yuck!
A little foozball to get rid of the lingering wine stupor and then off to do some real work...viz reading, all in all ....weird day

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Fallen Angel

We succumbed to he's embrace to he's kisses and he's charms. It was easy how could she resist. He's love making is mind blowing, the things he can do! Whew! She tried, put up a good fight. But going against me was unwise, she needn't worry about the innocent, he has not been harmed.
But he has provided her with sufficient ammunition that her guilt is ausauged, and the pain that he will feel will cut like a sharpened knife, quick and deep. But the worm has turned, the jig is up. To be wanted and to be held to be looked at with adoring eyes. But we shall not fall for he's charms, we shall not let them make a fool of us again. This time, I will be the one in charge, there will be no slip ups, no victims, no prisoners.
She'll be just fine. I'll make sure of it. The Innocent shall be duly punished for he's innattentiveness.He shall be rewarded for failing me in he's devotion. Taking for granted that I shall always love him and he will nary have to raise a finger.
Her emotions are torn, and I shall do all in my power to destroy what is left. He is not worthy of us.

Insane in the membrane

You're laughing at me I know you are. I was sane before I met you. Before I loved you, wanted you, needed you. I was a normal female. Cool and rational, and now I'm a mobile stalker. Bet you didn't know that I know your work phone number.
Oh so now your phone's not working. You're back in Orlando again. What's her name is she the svelte woman of your dreams? Is she the one that you dream of, since you don't dream of me? Why don't you just tell me the truth. I'd rather get this over and done with than draw it out. Than my going nuts trying to call you every hour on the hour, only strenthening my relationship between your voicemail and myself, weakening the relationship between the two of us. I'll call you every week. I'll call you every other week and now you don't call at all. This relationship is more for the "Journal of Psychological Medicine" an experiment to determine how crazy you can make me. What kind of psychopath would you like to turn me into? Shcizophrenic? What have I ever done to deserve you? It must have been a curse, to live without you and die, to live with you and die. Either way I'm doomed.
Always with the secrets, everything is a secret, I'm a secret. You have no answers to the questions I'm asklng. Oh what will people think? Is that all you care about? Well then keep your precious people, have them all to yourself! May they help you find that perfect size 4 woman that thunders your heart into a near apoplectic fit!

I'm always apologetic! But I haven't done anything wrong! I'm always the one who is in the wrong, the one who is not cool! Since when did cool pay the bills? And what's so cool about controlling me? Sooner or later that leash you have me on is going to snap. Then what? Yeah I'm nice but I'm beggining to get this streak of evil a mile wide and headed in your direction. I want to see you squirm. And you know I will. I'll show up at what used to be our front door. Will she answer the door? Will I find her using my stuff. Cooking in my kitchen as if she always belonged there? Are you going to try your favorite reverse psychology? Blame me for not caling you in advance?

You don't want to talk to me now. You better start workling on your next excuse. make it a reall good one. Maybe if your next excuse is believable. Huh! Innocent? You're as guilty as I am. You and your secrets, holier than thou! You're never wrong! YOU MAN BITCH!



I am up to no good. I am no better than the likes of Judas and Brutus. Although my victim still lives and breathes. How innocent they are. How it pains me to take advantage of their misconception of me. I have justified every moment of betrayal each excuse more legitimate than the last. And now the question must be asked, shall I revert to my former self, shall I take on the misconception and make it true. There is no doubt that I shal spare them the truth, it will spare me the pain I'm am wittlessly causing myself and them. The innocence perceived is from my years of practise, the smile, the flutter of lashes, the refusal to maintain eye contact longer than is required by decorum. And yet inside the vixen squirms, her comments that escape my lips from time to time, causing eye brows to raise. Haya! She get's stonger with each outburst. If I am not careful she will be our undoing. I am always telling her to hush, be silent. do not give the game up.
So help me! 4 hours remaining to the end of night, I must fight her until the sun goes down. I must thwart her every effort to engulf me further in this deadly game of dangerous laisions. She will not succumb us both to the temptation of the object of our desire. She will not destroy what I have so carefully masterminded.
Me Myself, I and HER! May the best girl win!

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